At last, you summoned the bravery to make an approach. She said yes. You planned the time, the place, maybe even imagined how the conversation would go…
And then it happened.
She canceled.
Or worse, she disappeared.
You are now plagued by a question that keeps coming to mind:
Should I try again, or take the hint and move on?
Sometimes the answer is not clear-cut. It depends on the reasons behind her flaking, the manner in which she did it, and what her subsequent actions reveal. Let’s break it down honestly.
First: What “flaking” really means
There are various interpretations of flaking:
- Canceling last minute
- Saying “I’ll let you know” and never following up
- Ignoring messages after agreeing to meet
- Making excuses repeatedly
Not all flakes are indicative of rejection. However, not every flake is deserving of another opportunity.
The secret is to become able to distinguish between the two.
When trying again makes sense
Here are situations where giving it one more shot is reasonable:
1. She had a clear, genuine reason
Life takes place. family problems, illness, work emergencies, stress at school, and mental exhaustion.
If she explained why and it sounded realistic, that matters.
2. She apologized and took responsibility
A simple:
“I’m really sorry for canceling. That was on me.”
Shows maturity and respect for your time.
3. She suggested another date
The largest green flag is this one.
If she says:
“Can we do Thursday instead?”
She is still interested. Words plus action = real interest.
4. She stayed communicative
No disappearing. No cold replies. No confusion.
If she stayed warm and consistent, trying again is fair.
When you should not try again
Sometimes the answer is a quiet but clear no.
Here are the warning signs:
1. No apology
It is disrespectful if she cancels as if it doesn’t matter.
2. Vague excuses every time
“Something came up”
“I’m busy lately”
“I’ll let you know”
Over and over.
That is usually soft rejection.
3. No effort to reschedule
Interest shows in action. If she never tries to make another plan, believe what you see.
4. She ignores you afterward
Silence is an answer, even if it is painful.
The one-text rule (simple and powerful)
If you are unsure, follow this rule:
Try once more. Only once.
Send something calm and confident like:
“No worries about last time. If you’re still up for it, we could grab coffee this weekend.”
Then stop.
Great if she agrees and goes through with it.
Move on with dignity if she continues to ignore it, put it off, or make excuses.
No pursuing. Not a single paragraph. No pleading.
Why chasing hurts more than being rejected
Chasing an uninterested person causes gradual harm:
- Your confidence
- Your self-respect
- Your emotional energy
You begin to doubt your value in comparison to someone who has made a decision.
That is not love. That is self-abandonment.
You won’t be left feeling uncertain about your position by someone who genuinely likes you.
The truth most people avoid
“Flaking” is often a polite way of saying:
“I’m not interested enough.”
And that is okay.
You are not unattractive because of this.
It does not imply that you are uninteresting.
That does not imply that you are undeserving.
It simply indicates that you weren’t her type.
This gives you the opportunity to locate someone who is.
CONCLUSION
Try again only if:
- She apologized
- She explained
- She showed effort
- She respected your time
Otherwise, walk away quietly and proudly.
You won’t be left in suspense by the right person.
Meeting them halfway will be simple thanks to them.
And that’s what you deserve.